"The
curious are always in some danger.
If
you are curious you might never come home."
Jeanette
Winterson
"The
curious are always in some danger.
If
you are curious you might never come home."
Jeanette
Winterson
september
11 used to be
august and everything after.
* Marcos, Ferdinand - The Philippines' dictator president. the epitome of brilliance and power gone wrong. November
5 - Parents' Anniversary
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301102
Temp 25F/-4C/269K I wasn't about to die, but I did see THE RING, and IT ABSOLUTELY SUCKED!! Of course I got blamed for it since I suggested it, remembering Petrol's blog. Sheesh. At least the morning had already been saved with a breakfast of cheese omelet and croissants, and baby's affection and patience. After the movie we stopped at TJ Max for some beauty products, food and some clothes. Back home for merienda (arroz caldo and apple pie). Dinner was pot roast and salmon and apple crumble a la mode. Must have gained 5 lbs this weekend. Temp 25F/-4C/269K Roz leaves me in bed to bring Azelia to the station as she has work this lazy friday. Roz comes back at nine to kiss my face and tell me it's time to shower. I leave her in bed for some extra zzzzzzs, and I get dressed. I go to the kitchen and fix myself breakfast: croissant and leftover ham plus a few slices of cheese and OJ. We set off for MassMoCA (Mass. Museum of Comtemp Art, the largest contemp art museum in the US) at 10 with greta, who sleeps all the way. We arrive at the museum and I get massive dysmenorrhea. A few interesting pieces are on exhibit, and one of the most striking ones was Robert Wilson's 14 stations, a modern interpretation of the Catholic Stations of the Cross, set up as an installation of wood houses with symbolic structures inside. The prettiest one was Station 13 (Jesus is taken from the cross and laid in Mary's arms), which had a large cloth with Madonna's face printed on it, and birds taking flight from a carpet of vials lit from the floor below. My favorite exhibit was Grave Matters, a collection of photographs of the tombstones of about 100 famous political and cultural figures. Included in the exhibit were the graves of Matisse, Picasso, Nietzche, Virginia Woolfe, Edgar Allan Poe, Beethoven, Kafka, Degas, Monet, Jane Austen, etc. My favorite was that of Bertrand Russell, whose photograph was that of an ocean, implying his burial (presumably a scattering of ashes, if not a drowning incident) there. Another enchanting portion of this exhibit was a set of work called Rubbings, which consisted of paper tracings of the tombstones of the likes of Emily Dickinson and Karl Marx, etc. I thought it was very imaginative and intriguing. It made me wonder what happens to all whose lives we celebrate, when they die. Who decides their burial rites and who wrote their epitaphs, and if they would have changed the way their remans were presented if they had the chance. What does happen to us when we die? Perhaps we will never know until we cross that paths ourselves, but it is important to note that all of those graves presented had names we remember because of only one reason -- they created something that remained to be a part of history, whether it was an artwork, a poem, or a speech that launched a revolution. One thing holds true, it is the same thing I wrote long ago for a bunch of writer-hopeful kids, when we all faced the death of someone who taught us the magic of words: "We will all die. But if we write, or create, we shall live forever." -----------------------------------------------
Temp 25F/-4C/269K Thanksgiving Day: Bfast adobo, tocino, paksiw na isda (which I don't eat), tomatoes and rice. The morning starts at 10AM with a sumptuous breakfast, followed by a walk on the snow (my first), a few self-shots and snowballs. Eric and Azelia go out shopping for dinner ingredients and get stuck in the driveway on the way back. Roz comes to the rescue and drives the Cherokee up while Eric and I rock the truck out of the snow. We took a walk by the lake, took a few shots and headed home because of the cold and my nearly frostbitten feet. TV and vegging till the afternoon, I took a nap on the couch for a good 20 minutes until Tito Duds sits at my feet with his wine. I dream of hot steamy love with my wife and want her the entire evening. Shower for dinner. The meal was splendid with homemade turkey, ham, yams (camote), and pie. Family and life converstations till vedeoke time. I sang a few songs including a number of Eraserheads outbursts. Bedtime at midnight, I coerce the maiden into making my dreams come true but give her a massage instead. "Sometimes I want you so badly I can't breathe," I tell her, and I stay on my side until my desires pass. She falls asleep beside me and I hold her close, kissing her and telling her I love her, and she gives me an affirmative "mmmm." I'm close to tears, hopelessly in love, and desperately thankful. I hope everyone I know will have it this good at some point in their lives. I love her. Temp 35F/1.6C/274K Snow storm over. My first snow sighting at 9AM. It's like shredded styrofoam. I opened the windows to stick my arm out, and the flakes melted into a few droplets of water upon contact with my hand. Swiss miss breakfast. Nina's in my mail. Blog work and computer play until Gina arrives to repair the burn marks on her car. A brief IM session with my brother-in-law Allan, discussing the future, fatherhood, and feelings. In response to my self-loathing, Amelia sends me a supportive email which just left me so touched: i
totally sympathise with you on how difficult it is to cut out a life
Had salad for lunch, a little chat with Azelia. I made afritada for dinner while waiting for Roz who arrived at 4:30. Greta goes out with her tight red sweater. We do the laundry over juicy gossip. I folded and sorted the laundry while the boss repaired the stew. Dinner with Azelia, who made pumpkin pie. Eric arrived at 8 and we loaded our stuff at the back. Barkley spends most of the trip on my lap. Like Greta he's a pitbull/boston terrier mix but 15 pounds heavier than Greta's 53. Dogs ruled in Eric's Cherokee. I kept my coat on because they haven't had a bath. Barkley got too heavy for me so we put him down only to find Greta on our laps instead. Roz napped on my shoulder and I blow kisses in her ear. 10 pm we arrived in Connecticut, to Eric's family home, a huge 8 bedroom house with a jacuzzi and a spa. The dogs have a field day in the snow while I made a ball in my ands, thinking of shaved ice with Mama's old ice machine when I was a kid. (That ice machine, I recall now, was always greasy from the oil vapos from the kitchen. My brother and I would play with it, shaving ice that would melt before we could really do anything with it.). I'm writing this on one of those cool reclining chairs that automatically recline and put a foot rest up. I'm sitting in front of a large screen TV right after "Finding Forrester" thinking of how homey this place feels. In another dimension I'd have a chair like this in a living room like this, writing in my notebook like this. I'd have nothing in my heat except my thought waiting to be recorded. Nothing in my heart but my one true love. Oh but wait, this is happening now. for this brief moment I feel at home in a house I've been in for an hour. Happy Thanksgiving to all. :o) Temp 40F/4.4C/277K Cold tuesday. Facing snowstorm tonight. Off to CT tomorrow PM. Brief chat with Burn, good to catch up. Walk to post office with Greta to send Aya's phone. On the way back i passed by two backpackers, a heterosexual couple sitting on the sidewalk at 7th with a sign that said "Talk to me." So I talked to them. They played with Greta for a bit, turns out they're from North Carolina and they're just talking to people all over NY. Chitchat, handshake, goodbye. I actually got close enough to the clinic with my resume in my hand, but chickened out again. It's different out here without a network of friends who know who I am. If i don't believe in myself, nobody else will. Have to be stronger. Gina arrives at 4, forgetting her money clip. We watched Meet Joe Black until Roz arrived at 5:30, telling me not to talk to strangers after my story. We drove to Queens and had dinner at the Filipino resto Ihawan. Laing, crispy pata, barbecue, inihaw na talong and sinigang soup. Sago and gulaman and avocado shake. Good greasy dinner, but it gave Roz and Gina a tummy ache. We dropped off the weighing scale at Christine's, because Ava and Gineb are flying back to Manila the next day. Found parking, walked to Ling's apartment, a nice and cozy ensemble of browns and family memorabilia. Neet. Spice network till leaving time, we drove off to W4 to the Belgian Bar. I had raspberry beer, Roz had darke Leffe beer over monster fries. laughs, Bubbbles Killer Tomboy stories, and off home. Nice sleepy evening waiting for snow. Nothing. Temp 45F/7.2C/280K Lazy monday, baby late for work. Hugs blow sadness away. Down to my last pack of cigarettes, the question that looms overhead is whether to spend for nicotine or attempt quiting this nasty habit. I have a history of massive weight gain when I'm off it, and smoking has always been an integral (yeah right) part of my nerdiness. Geez. The truth is I must quit soon. I promised my mom. :p Gina picks me up at 4 and we head off to chi-town to meet Gineb, Ava and Roz for dinner at Sweet N Tart. Noodle soup, dumplings and turnip cake with lots of chili oil. Taro milk tea at Tea & Tea and off home. Laughter nonstop. Fun night. Sunday breakfast of sinangag, egg and tuyo (dried herring) soaked in vinegar. Couch time with the paper, the Thanksgiving Story, then a nap till it was time to go to Queens for Christine's party. Passed by the Philam store for longganisa, tocino, and some other goodies for Thanksgiving. Lots of guests at Jackson Heights, videoke and dinner plus some chitchat. Faith and Belle have a teaching job for me that i've yet to investigate. PMS hits, cranky all night. Sorry, sweetheart. :o( Pancit Molo leftovers, sinangag and ginisang itlog, Zaragosa sardines for brekkie. Yum. Morning sunbathing on the couch over Almost Famous. Grocery time for the dinner party, made siomai and peach cream pie for the guests. Pinay lez couples for dinner, videoke witht he Magic Singalong Microphone. Sung a few songs which reminded me of my despedida at Mahiyain before I left. Temp 48F/8.9C/282K Friday morning. Zatar and hummus for bfast. The Coronforever yahoogroup is up. Thank God. Pam calls to say hello and that she's busy with school (Sarah Lawrence College in Westchester). Gave me access to a jobs site so I went searching for a bit. Grocery time at Key Food at 5th avenue, and went home to cook fabulous Pancit Molo for dinner. Friday night snuggle is heaven. Temp 45F/7.2C/280K Rain in the PM, must bring umbrella! Cool morning. Roz says I should return the installer CDs and walk down from Paul's to Times Square. Good walk, she says. That i will do. Bfast: Leftover Bistek on whole wheat with mustard and pickle relish. Strange? That's cos the rice went bad today. Email from Burn, she liked my pics and even used the Endale Arch shot as wallpaper. Loved that shot too. Tita Ose (my Aunt Marie Rose, but when my nephew Paolo was young he could only say "Ose" so it kinda got stuck) wrote back. She's a nurse who lived with us for around six years trying to pass the CGFNS to come to America. After giving up hope, she went home to Tacloban where she reunited with an old boyfriend from decades ago, and now they are married and living in Canada. She's five months pregnant. I should call her today. Wrote my Ninang Gulay back, she's my mom's youngest sister and the mother of my fave cuz Patricia. Times Square, here I come! Talked to Tita Ose. Stories about her pregnancy, amniocentesis, arthritis, and California. She says where she is now in Canada all medical expenses are paid for by the government, and maternity leave is one year. Cool, ain't it? South Park says "Blame Canada!" remember? Showered and headed off to Times Square on the Q. Walked from 42nd on 5th, went to a few stores and bought cheap 20 for $1 postcards and headed to Central Park where there were horse carriages waiting. Like fancy kalesas except that this was NY so the minimum faire was $36. Sat for a bit, looking at my new Burberry map from Azelia. Then I walked to 56th to City Center and good god, Paul was outside smoking. "Where do you wanna go today?" he says. We took the F downtown, and went to Best Buy, TJ Max, Circuit City and Virgin. Outisde Virgin, we were smoking our cigarettes, a man approaches us and asks "Are you Filipino?" Paul says yes, and he walks away. Paul screamed "how about you?" The man shook his head and left. Ewan! Hugs and byes at 14th street stop, where Paul takes the train Uptown and I take the Q downtown and get down at Canal, where chinatown is. Walked around and proceeded to Pearl Paint, a graphics/artist supply store. Cool place, but as usual i didn't get anyting. Crossed the street to Pearl River, a chinese department store near Canal and Church. Nice stuff. Checked out the nice blue bottles I've always liked at the industrial store nearby, then walked to the post office to buy stamps for my postcards. I was PMSing so I used my eating binge to sample sidewalk delicacies. Chilidog uptown, then Knish uptown. Knish was nothing more than a mashed potato sandwich. :p Well, anything with mustard and hot sauce is heaven, anyway. Up Church to Worth to Roz's building, where I waited for her with a Raspberry lollipop in my mouth. Missed her today. Took the 2 train back to Bergen, and passed by Maha for some Zatar and Hummus. Mmmm. Soup for dinner, Sue & Oscar arrive for some playtime with Greta, Will&Grace Wedding Episode till bedtime. Temp 45F/7.2C/280K Sunny Blog work in the AM. It's a nice day out so I think i'll take Greta to the park and proceed to the city in the afternoon. in the meantime catch Last Night in Maamo, and what i worked on last night here. Greta had diarrhea from the liver dinner she had the previous night. I gave her an acidophilus pill and took her to Prospect Park to take some shots. She had a good time playing with a big dog named Bella. Took the Q train to 57th, walked to 56th between 6th and 7th, where Paul's office City Center was. City Center is a theater, which excites everybody, but like me paul gets more excited when there's a new PC than when there's a new show in town. We walked to Starbucks for his caffeine fix, passed by the Rainbow Room and the Radio City theater on the way to the Rockefeller Center, where the ice rink and Prometheus, and Ray Liotta were. We proceeded to St. Patrick's Cathedral, my first Catholic church sighting, and it was quite fine. "The object of Catholicism is," Paul says, "you can do what what you want as long as you go to confession, which is kinda like downloading your sins. No biggie." Sweet. Meeting up with Paul was fun and (how do you say...) inspiring. Hope to do it again soon. Walked back, hugs, goodbyes. Had my first NY sidewalk hotdog for $1. Took the Q back to 7th Ave and walked home kicking around the leaves that had dried up into a crisp brown after lying wet and yellow for a couple of days after the rain. Arrived at Bergen to discover we had dinner plans. Gina picks us up at seven, we proceed to 42nd street where Ava was waiting for Gineb and Mayet to get inside to watch the play. We took Ava to Chi-town for dinner at Sweet N Tart, a small resto where we had noodle soup (watercress and dumpling) plus fried rice steamed in Bamboo. The turnip cake was fine too, as well as dessert taro and sago drinks at Tea & Tea afterwards. Picked up Gineb and Mayet at 42nd after staring at the colored lights at Times Sq. dropped Mayet off at Anne's work, then passed by chi-town again on the way home to get some siopao for Gineb at Mei Wai Lah (they call it Mei Lah Wai, they say it sounds better that way. Get it?). Two siopaos and a soda for $1.95? This is why Fanny says only the Chinese have it right. Long day. Hugs, good nights, kisses. Tomorrow: Times Square exploration. Temp 40F/4.4C/277K Kiss of Lahayf... 11pm last night my brother Ramses calls to say he'll call again. Duh. Rolly calls 1AM to return a call i never made. She's off to Pangasinan for her work, surveying genetic codes of local cattle. I'm glad she's working, although she's absolutely miserable. Tough life back home, R says if my vet thing works out I can even sponsor her when I have my own practice. Hope... Nice hour-long massage for Baby before bed last night. How sweet it is to be loved by you. :o) I didn't know it was so complicated to sell on Ebay. I've been buying junk there for ages but selling is a different matter altogether. Hope it's worth the hassle. Caught my geekgurl cousin Patricia online, asking about my holiday plans. Nobody writes no more, seems like everyone has gotten on with their lives back home. No biggie, at least that only means everything is well. All's well that ends well. I'm
such a big chicken. Why? Ask me.
Things
about America that scare me
Things
I miss about the Philippines
What
I would Like to Have Here
Temp 38F/3.3C/276K Windy Sade CD on clock radio. Good for monday morning. Baby hugs and kisses and see R off to work. Blogwork till noon, wanting to write about The Pilot Light. Hmmm...Pilot Light story not materializing. It's in my head. Instead I write Ma a response to the photos she sent through snail. Worked on my resume, installed the old Vaio's Word 2000 to do some work before the next batch of sofuto from Paulie. Tori MP3s all day, and then The Coffee Ritual. Fantastic! I needed that. Tangina pare, umuusok tae ko! If you don't understand this, you're better off. Trust me. :o) Walked out just to see how it feels to walk in refrigeration temp, a little over freezing point. Not so bad with three thick layers and my Spiewak Down Jacket, plus chi-town 3M Thinsulate (daw) gloves Amy bought me after that Nyonya dinner a few weeks back. Walk through 6th Ave to find the Animal Clinic. Neat. Turns out there's a Catholic church there (if it's named after a saint, is it Catholic?), i hope to pass by again soon when it is open. At the corner I turn left to 7th and make my way up. Nice churches and a few real estate brokers. Spent some time looking at apartments for sale. Few good ones but the offices are closed. Checked out the latest at my Salvarmy (Bergen cor Flatbush, Paul's is on Atlantic). Nothing much new. As if i've ever seen anything appealing aside from the Paula Cole Harbinger CD from my first visit there. Dinner was bistek (tagalog for beef steak, simply beef stewed in soy sauce and lime topped with caramelized onions), and steamed zuchini dipped in R's radish vinegar sauce. Hopefully a lengthy snuggle before bed. Hoped Monday wasn't too bad for baby, but it was. Some TV after dinner, then off to bed to give baby a massage. Nite. I
hope to gather some courage tomorrow to:
Things
I'm Wondering About
Temp 43F/6.1C/279K Rainy Great Sunday morning in bed. Brunch with Ling & Des at Brooklyn Chinatown. Dimsum feast! And of course we came prepared with our own limes. Chili-garlic oil, soy sauce and lemon/lime is my favorite sauce mix. Afterwards we picked up Gineb at the Metropolitan hotel, went into a few shops, merienda at ABC (bland duck pate, satisfactory apricot crumble), window shopping at Illumination and Fishs Eddie. Zzzzzz...femme stuff. The real party started at the Apple Center (Greene&Houston) where about 40 notebooks and desktops were set up and open for playing. Heaven! Checked my mail and played with the cams and, of course, the famous i-pod. I've always been fascinated by the i-pod, after playing with it with Shane at the Apple Center she manages in Greenbelt, but to actually have one? Nah. I like music but not all the time. My MP3s on my new partitioned disk (TY Petrol!) are enough for now. Dinner at Elvie's Turo-Turo on 214 1st Ave bet 12th & 13th. Elvie's is a Filipino carinderia that has been featured in major NY publications (NY Times, Time Out NY) and the Zagat Survey. Nothing special, like a greasy spoon cafeteria anywhere in manila with home-cooked meals (2 viands over rice for $6.95, 1 viand/rice for $4), but the dirtier it seemed the more at home i felt. Sweaty food servers in white sandos and gold chains, saying "Elvie's is dead!," Filipinos having their puto and sapin-sapin, and even the case of condensed milk cans in their tiny bathroom/storage space: the place reeked of Metro Manila culture. Pinakbet (mine) and Dinuguan (hers), fried fish. I asked Manong to put some kaldereta sauce on my rice, and some sinigang soup, please! The meal was not fantastic, but much more homey than the one we had at the Philippine Bread House in Jersey (good food and pastries there, through. plus a sighting of that Siguion-Reyna kid starlet who sang the APEC song). Elvie's brought out a lot of thinking. Like the things that i've come to learn out here in the great NYC. For one, how i can recognize a Filipino accent from a mile away. it makes you want to find the person it's coming from to say hello, but then stopping yourself because it isn't really appreciated. Store personnel at the liquidation store Odd Jobs in Manhattan, the technician at the electronics store The Wiz. They're mostly middle-aged, with strong Tagalog-English that reminds me of my parents and older relatives. This city is a cold and diverse mass of people, and it's easy to see how alienating that can be if you are like me, who has never considered a life in the US before. Moments at the Bread House, Elvie's, and in the company of Pinay friends become most welcome -- even watching a young and lonely Pinay yuppie eating her barbecue at the corner. She bought some banana-Q to bring home, and I was thinking of her and her bag of Chips Ahoy and the banana skewer fitting oddly into the same paper bag. Maybe she would eat it on her couch alone tonight over sunday evening news, thinking about home. Or maybe, like me she would have home in her arms here too. Whatever it is, NYC is a good place for thinking. I hope I can write it all down. Home at 2030 to store sheets, and look for real estate on the NY Times Classifieds Search (error on page! fuckit!). Caught Dre online complaining about the usual government employee stuff. No 13th month sucks. Iranette gives birth to 5 pups, reminds me of my devotion to Vishnu's pups circa 2000. Greta doesn't like me. I think it's because i don't do baby talk. Babies and dogs. They only appreciate me when they're older. :o) Things to do:
After a much-extended hiatus and due to insistent public demand (hey, if it's more than one person, it's public, aight?!), Relinqwish is back with a vengeance. This after selling my home PC to my college roommie Jenny and packing it all in for the great Brooklyn. SO WADDAFUCK IS UP? Everything is! My bud Petrol passed by tonight for supper (munggo, baked tilapia, steamed string beans and lumpia), and a mega-sofuto* install. So not only am i virus protected, i'm also the kewlest bagong-salta* in NY with my (or, technically, OUR) new Dell 840C with (dig this) 512MB RAM. Not only is this baby 4 times faster than the fastest PC i've worked with, it is also the first laptop i've touched for more than a minute. As paul would put it quite aptly, schweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeetttt!! NY/Bklyn photos here. God, i missed my blog! So much has happened and as expected, i've lost track of it all. :o( not to worry though as I am back and i'll try to update this as often as i can. the married life is happy. and consistent happiness is something new for me. i'm so glad i'm here. ________________________________________
(A treat for the regulars (and for the ONE who complains i don't write her anymore) 121602 (from my secret journal) I don't know what it is about your glasses that enchants me. When you put them on it feels like glass slippers transforming the world around you and I am fortunate enough to bear witness to it. Perhaps it accentuates your beautiful eyes, I'm not really sure but I can't stop staring at you driving, looking so young and brilliant, like a great cartographer navigating through our world. When you have your glasses on I can see where the lines will form on your face through our years together. I can see changes, on your face and in our lives, and the things that will remain constant: like me staring at your eyes unchanged and still enchating for decades to come. For this and a number of other reasons, I will keep my driving skills to a minimum. So there. :o) ~ september 11 used to be just marcos' birthday ~ ~ august and everything after ~ |
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